Last night while my friends were out "poppin' bubbles", I realized that my motive in life has dramatically changed from I wanna get Faddedd!! to I gotta keep the productive going. I find it hard to hear that my friends are having fun w/out me but then I think "How selfish is that?" I don't like thinking that way.
I look back of what I used to do; the 9 to 9 grind of getting intoxicated, sleeping most of it off, breakfast, then getting intoxicated to sleeping most of it off, to breakfast at Dennys to getting FUCKED up! to passing out, then eating breakfast at Ihop and over and over and over again.
School has kept me grounded. That and my love; Motivation is key and after the feel of those fashionable metal bracelets I came to find that that lifestyle was not for me. I changed my motives.
It is selfish of me to think that my friends are not supposed to have fun without me. But I do not think it's selfish to go about my business in a different way than they do. I've gone through one particular experience that none of my friends can imagine. Jail isn't the place to be and I out of all of my friends am the only one to experience that. Never again will I end up there.
I don't deal with the constant looking behind my back to make sure I'm not being watched. I don't deal with the dirty looks from people who don't approve of my actions (not like I care thou of what other people think, which I do not think helped). I don't deal with the drama that came with business in the so-called underground trade of greenery & the wanna be drug-lords that think they're the shit because they have what everyone wants, the drug-lords that take their made money and shove it up their nose, or the drug-lords that know nothing about the drug but yet "had the right to tell me how it is".
I deal with homework and project due dates. I, @ the moment, deal with politics and wonder why our government doesn't do what it's meant to do and that's take care of us normal folk. I deal with my boyfriend and try every possible way to make him happy because he keeps me in check for the better. I deal with bills and I'm for once in my life am able to keep a stable and balanced payment plan on my fucking own!
I fill my life with things that motivate me and in doing so I'm able to motivate others. I fill my life with things that keep me optimistic and in doing so I'm able to point out the bright side to others.
"You Liz are a sun, and I am truly blessed to witness your sunbeam touch my life and give me new perspective." - Kim from S.A.P Jan. 13, 2011
So that's what I'll be. A Sun.
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